Doctor Who: Unwanted Companions
by Ehren Hatten
Summary: The Doctor and Jack pick up a pair of Texas twenty-somethings and find out that the Doctor Who/Torchwood world is being invaded by sci-fi nerds and other things. And is that an eyebrowless Doctor that looks like a white Urkle?
1. Part One

_A/N: because I'm bored._

**Doctor Who:**

_Unwanted Companions_

_Part One_

VWORP! VWORP! VWORP! VWORP!

With a sound like a rusted, broken, back-hoe the TARDIS appeared out of the great fourth wall and fully materialized onto the sidewalk of a neighborhood out in the middle of Nowhere, Texas. Actually, it was Bastrop, but who's counting. The day was bright with the hot Texas sun beating down on the top of the blue police box that could only ever be seen in old British television shows and the infamous Doctor Who. Oh, but it couldn't be Doctor Who, could it? After all, the Doctor is just a character in a T.V. show.

All right, not really.

The doors opened and out hopped the Doctor, dressed in his bright blue suit and tie, brown trench-coat and red converse high-tops. He looked around and blinked at the bright light assaulting his eyes, though in reality that would be rather ridiculous if light actually assaulted a person's eyes. The Doctor leaned back into his TARDIS and shouted, "Oi! Jack! Stop flirting and get out here!"

"You're just jealous because the TARDIS is taking more of a shine to me than you," shouted Captain Jack Harkness back. However, despite his flirting outrageously with the TARDIS console he walked out dressed in his usual old military clothing, his blue shirtsleeves rolled up to his elbows revealing the timecorps wrist band he always kept on his person. He squinted into the light of the day as he looked around, attempting to get a feel for his surroundings. "This isn't Cardiff," he said.

"Yes, I noticed that," mumbled the Doctor as he scratched his cheek. He definitely needed a good shave again. "Well, time to have a look about!" He grinned at Jack and fair skipped along the sidewalk with his hands in his pockets as Jack closed the doors of the TARDIS and winked at it before jogging after the Doctor. "Funny thing, the TARDIS," said the Doctor when Jack caught up with him, "She always likes to give me surprises sometimes!" Jack grinned and chuckled, still walking after the Doctor, reminded of older times when he was much younger and not immortal.

Some children were walking back from the community pool when Jack and the Doctor happened upon them. Jack smiled at them and the Doctor grinned broadly, happily. "Hello, little children! Could you possibly tell us where we are?"

"We're not supposed to talk to strangers!" cried one of the children in a distinctly Texas accent before they all ran off as quickly as possible into the neighborhood.

"Maybe I should do the talking," said Jack, "After all, I'm the one with the friendlier face."

The Doctor rolled his brown eyes and looked off to where the children ran off to. Without a word he walked off on his long, thin legs toward the houses. It didn't take long for him to get to the first house. There were no cars in front of it, so the Doctor went to the second one. There he found a lovely little tree, a couple more growing up under the shade of the eaves, a small garden in front of the large window and a nice green car in the driveway. Perfect!

"That one! We'll talk to them there!" said the Doctor as he fair skipped to the front door with Jack not far behind him.

"Doctor! Doctor! Hold on!" cried Jack, trying to get some sort of leash on the Doctor's enthusiasm. Of course he would rather have a really pretty leash on the Doctor's "enthusiasm", but he knew he would die in the trying.

The Doctor knocked quickly on the door and waited under the eave of the front doorway. Jack stood out in the sun and eyed him with mild irritation. "What did I say about letting me do the talking?" said Jack.

"Oh, sorry, I wasn't really paying attention. What were you saying about you doing the talking?" said the Doctor. He knocked again and leaned a bit away from the peephole. Jack laughed a little and shook his head.

The door opened and there stood a tall woman with glasses perched on her nose. She had long dark blonde hair pulled back in a pair of buns at the base of her skull, broad shoulders and a large bust. She blinked blue-gray eyes at them, almost as though she couldn't believe what she was seeing. "Er—yes?"

"Hello! We're wayward travelers and our vehicle is being very cross with us, would you mind telling us exactly where we are so we might get information to a third party to get us elsewhere?" said the Doctor, chattering as quickly as he could before the door could be slammed in his face.

The woman grinned brightly at them. "Oh! Are ya'll on your way to a convention somewhere? I keep wanting to go to one, but it costs money and all…" Again, she had a relatively minor Texas accent, but a Texas accent no less.

"Convention?" inquired the Doctor, raising his eyebrow at her. "What convention?" Then, he smiled brightly at her. "Oh yes! The convention! I forgot! Silly me and all that, I completely forgot the convention!"

"He has no idea what you're talking about," said Jack, smirking a bit toward the Doctor.

"Not a clue," said the Doctor, shaking his head.

"Huh," said the woman, looking around behind them a moment and sighed a bit, eyeing them. She looked behind her at two cats and a kitten wondering what the bright light and strange smells coming from the door meant. One cat was pale, gray with dark stripes all over his body and even darker stripes on his face, tail and feet like he was part Siamese. The second was tricolored, brown and black mixed into most of her fur and white on her lower face, belly and feet. She was the fluffiest of the three. The third was a small kitten, all black with a white V on his little chest. He seemed the most interested and getting out to freedom. The woman eyed them imperiously before walking out and closing the door behind her, though this put her large chest in rather uncomfortable proximity to the Doctor. He backed up politely.

"Exactly where are you two headed for, then?" she asked, leaning against the red brick wall beside her. She was wearing a red shirt with a lion rampant on it, blue jeans and black and white converse.

"Oh, nice shoes. Always liked those myself," said the Doctor, smiling brightly.

The woman eyed him like he was crazy, and rightfully so, before smiling a bit once again. "Yeah, um, again… if ya'll aren't headed for a convention of some sort then where are you both headed if you're cosplaying Captain Jack Harkness and the Doctor?"

"Sorry, I don't think I quite got that. What was that?" asked the Doctor, eyeing her with increasing fear in those wide brown eyes of his. "See, I could have sworn you said we were—what was that word?"

"Cosplaying. Costume playing," supplied the woman. "Dressing up."

"So you've seen me and him before?" asked Jack.

"Well, yeah. Of course. Doctor Who and Torchwood are great shows to watch on BBC America and I pretty much grew up on Doctor Who, though, mind you, I watched mainly the fourth Doctor. Gotta love that long scarf of his," said the woman, chattering almost as quickly as the Doctor himself.

The Doctor moved away and started back down the sidewalk. "This isn't good," he mumbled. Jack smiled at the woman a moment until she started jogging after the Doctor.

"Hey! Hey! What's wrong? Did I say something wrong? What's going on?" she shouted at him as she jogged up beside him. Jack followed up on the other side of the Doctor.

"Don't mind him. He does this all the time," said Jack.

"Ah, yeah, I get the same from my friends," said the woman. "Um, my name is Ehren."

"Captain Jack Harkness," said Jack.

"Yeah, fine, whatever," muttered Ehren as she looked to the Doctor. "Oi, what's wrong with you? What's going on—" She stopped short when she saw the police box and stared in disbelief. Jack grinned a bit and leaned closer to her ear.

"Again, my name is Captain Jack Harkness. It's nice to meet you."

"JACK!" shouted the Doctor.

"I'm just saying 'hello', Doctor!!" shouted Jack back at him.

"It's never just anything with you," grumbled the Doctor as he opened the police box door and disappeared inside.

Ehren eyed Jack and the police box a moment and then turned to Jack. "You're not shitting me, right? You are Captain Jack Harkness and that is the Doctor, right? Or did the Doctor Who crew make a sudden pitstop in the middle of Texas?"

"My name is Captain Jack Harkness and that is the Doctor, yes."

"May I see the inside then?" she asked.

Jack smirked faintly and showed her to the door of the TARDIS and opened it, leaning on the other door with that rakish grin of his. "Have a look, then."

Ehren eyed him a moment and then leaned into the TARDIS. Then, she promptly leaned back out and looked around. She seemed to be debating something carefully before leaning in again and looking around and leaning back out. "Okay, I believe you, because I can't come up with a suitable explanation for this," said Ehren, her voice going a bit higher. Then, she leaned back into the TARDIS and shouted at the Doctor who was looking at the console readings. "HEY! DOCTOR! Get your stuff and come back out, I'll give ya'll something to drink while I get ya'll a map of the area!"

The Doctor looked up and grinned, walking out of the TARDIS and locking it up behind him. "Well! What sort of things do you have to drink, then, eh?" he asked, cheerful as ever. They walked back to Ehren's house and went inside the small home. The three cats scattered and disappeared away from the two men while her grandmother leaned out from the kitchen dressed in a house dress and slippers.

"Ehren? Who are these men?" she asked.

"Some guys who need directions," said Ehren as she went through a door in the hallway and snapped the door behind her. She came back a minute later with some cold water for them both and walked quickly to the couch where she picked up a map. "Okay, here's a map of the area. I'll be right back." Then, she jogged down the hall and disappeared as quickly as the cats had.

Jack looked at it. "She said this is Texas… so this must be the town we're in."

"Mm, yes, I already got the readouts from the TARDIS, but, to tell the truth, the thing I'm more interested in is the fact that we're in a different dimension. We're not supposed to be here," mumbled the Doctor.

"I'm not supposed to be here either, but I am," said Jack. "Make sure I get back in about the time we left Cardiff, okay? I'd rather not have Gwen angry at me for disappearing again like I did last time."

"You two look familiar," said the grandmother, smiling kindly and peering at them through thick glasses.

"Ah, we're dressed up for a convention," said the Doctor quickly, grinning cheerfully. "Yes, wonderful things those conventions. Every nerdy kid what graced the Earth walking about dressed in bumpy foreheads and carrying lightsabers. Great things! Wonderful things! I'm dressed up as the Doctor and he's dressed up as Captain Jack Harkness."

"The Doctor? Oh! Doctor Who! My granddaughter and her friends love those shows. I never got into it myself," said the grandmother.

"Yes, so she told us," said Jack, smiling.

"We really should get going," said the Doctor. He handed back the maps and started for the door. "Tell your granddaughter that we had a lovely time and thank you for the water! We needed it since it's so awfully hot outside!"

"Oh, yes, you're welcome!" the grandmother called after them.

Ehren jogged up after them and smiled brightly. "Hey, could I go with ya'll?"

"No, absolutely not!" said the Doctor, looking to her sharply.

"Oh, come on, it'll be fun!"

"No! You may not come with us! The next stop for us is back home provided that all the dimensions don't suddenly collapse on themselves and destroy everything!" snapped the Doctor.

Ehren pouted a bit, but didn't stop following. Jack noticed she had a big black bag slung across her chest with a white skull printed on it. She tried her best to not look at him, her cheeks growing hot. When they reached the doors of the TARDIS the Doctor walked in without another word and went right for the console. Ehren grinned and sneaked in behind Jack, or really, Jack let her in anyway, before he could close the door. The Doctor started up the TARDIS and once more there was that sound like an old, rusted back-hoe trying to spring to life but not quite making it there.

"So, what's the read out?" asked Jack as he hopped up beside the Doctor.

"Strange readings," said the Doctor, his thick eyebrows lowering on his face like caterpillars. "The dimensional barriers are relatively safe, but odd things are mixing into ours." He looked up and then glared a bit at Jack. "I said we weren't taking her along."

"Well, I thought perhaps she might be useful," said Jack, smiling charmingly.

"She'll be in the way."

"What sort of things are going into ya'll's world?" asked Ehren.

The Doctor eyed her a moment then went back to the console. "It seems various things are filtering into our dimension, but not necessarily destroying the rather delicate and irritating boundaries between the dimensions. As if some great writer in the sky suddenly decided to just slap everything into it at once to see what would happen, but that belief would require I actually believe in a great, all powerful deity that created everything."

"Who's to say there isn't?" asked Ehren.

"Well… ME," said the Doctor, looking over at her. "I've seen the beginning of the universe and believe me there aren't any great Gods that are real that created the universe."

"That still doesn't mean you didn't see the evidence of God making the universe, it just means you saw the result forming, but I digress," said Ehren. "Say, could you stop someplace for me? I'd love it if you did," said Ehren, smiling cutely at the Doctor.

The Doctor didn't look amused. "What..sort of place?"

"My friend's home. She'd love this place," said Ehren, grinning brightly at him, much like the Doctor himself.

Once more, the Doctor was not amused. "No."

"Oh, come on, Doctor! Please? She's the only one I'm asking for!" pleaded Ehren. "Please? Please?" she begged as she put her hands together as if in prayer, big blue eyes directed innocently at him. He really ought to know better than to trust anyone who might give him the same innocent look (Jack).

"Fine, but just the one! And she had better not be the sort of to just walk into trouble wherever she dares," said the Doctor.

Ehren grinned broadly. "Oh, no, she doesn't just walk into trouble wherever she dares. She's very smart and very quiet."

The Doctor smiled a bit. It had been a while since he had had a companion or two on his adventures, though the eventual heartbreak of their departure from him often left him lonely. "Fine, but only the one," he said. Then, he motioned for her to come over and tell him where her friend was located. He brought up a map of the area and she made him to zoom in on Austin. She followed the streets with her finger until she came upon the relative location of her friend's home. The Doctor grinned and pulled a lever. "Hold onto something!" he said loudly and pulled another lever. The TARDIS lurched and they hurtled quickly to the right location.

* * *

"And that's how we got here," said Ehren, grinning brightly at her friend Amanda. Amanda was shorter than Ehren, though not by too much, her hair dark and a bit frizzy. She had freckles all over her face and thick framed glasses on. "So, you wanna come along?" asked Ehren.

"Do you really have to ask?" asked Amanda before she grabbed her purse, shoved some things into it and walked out after Ehren as they made their way to the TARDIS parked outside.

"At least it's not a balloon," said Ehren cheerfully, "That would have been an awful let down, don't you think? Though that guy as the Doctor would have been an awesome choice."

"I know, but the eleventh Doctor doesn't look too terrible," said Amanda as they walked into the TARDIS, "At least he doesn't look like Edward Cullen anymore. He just looks like a dork."

"Urkle, super nerdy, dork," supplied Ehren.

"Yeah, that too," said Amanda.

"With no eyebrows," said Ehren quickly.

"What are you talking about? No eyebrows? Who's got no eyebrows?" said the Doctor quickly.

"The eleventh Doctor, or your next regeneration," said Ehren. "They're planning on killing you off and bringing in a new guy as the Doctor and he looks very young and fresh and extremely nerdy."

"You shouldn't be telling me this!" said the Doctor.

"Best to know what you'll look like in the future," said Ehren quickly, "After all, it'd be an even bigger shock to know you look like a much younger, nerdier, too much tweed wearing white Urkle with no eyebrows if no one told you, yeah?"

"Am I really that bad looking? Maybe I could try to skip it," said the Doctor. "And I was getting so used to this face."

"So were everyone else," said Amanda.

Jack chuckled as he watched, thoroughly enjoying himself as he watched the Doctor and the girls talk. As they hurtled through the fourth wall and back toward home the Doctor noticed something odd on his read-out screen. "Another TARDIS?"

"Eh? What do you mean?" asked Jack as he hopped over and looked. "Another TARDIS?"

"That's what I said!" said the Doctor. "And not just that, there are other things out there! Look!"

"It's like an invasion almost. I'll get Gwen on the line and ask her what's happening," said Jack quickly, pulling out a modified cellphone and started dialing.

"Bumpy foreheaded kids with lightsabers," muttered the Doctor as he got a view of the layout on Earth.

"Two different shows, Doctor," said Ehren. "The bumpy foreheads are Klingons from Star Trek and the lightsabers belong to the Jedi which are from Star Wars."

"Gwen! Gwen! Stop shouting at me! I'm sorry! Okay? I'm sorry! I skipped off again because the Doctor showed up and it was a convenient way of getting me into this story without much interference. Yes, I'm coming back, I just need to ask you if you've had any odd readings from the Torchwood computer." Jack rubbed his temple and attempted to look as though he were not being yelled at, but then when was Jack ever no being yelled at for one reason or another?

Ehren and Amanda sniggered to each other as they watched Jack. He eyed them with a small smile before talking back into the receiver of his phone, suddenly looking very perplexed. "What do you mean the rift has been acting up? What sort of people coming through it?"

"Bumpy foreheaded kids with lightsabers that work!" said the Doctor.

"Mixing shows!" said Ehren and Amanda automatically.

"It doesn't matter! Have a look!" cried the Doctor and pointed to his screen. Sure enough there were a few young people about Ehren and Amanda's age wearing Klingon costumes and holding real, honest to God, lightsabers and laughing as they had mock battles and made things explode.

"Aw fuck, that can't be good," said Ehren.

"Nope," Amanda agreed.

Ehren and Amanda suddenly smirked to each other. The Doctor eyed them while Jack continued talking to Gwen on his phone. "Yes, Gwen, I know it's hard to do things while you're very pregnant. Isn't… isn't Rhys there to help you?" He looked just a little like he was failing to keep the lack of care toward Rhys being an unofficial part of the team since Torchwood 3 had blown up with Jack in it. "No, I don't have a problem with him being on the team at all. Whatever gave you that idea?"

Once more, the pair of writers smirked to each other and watched the Doctor and Jack with unbridled anticipation for what was going through their shared mind. The Doctor, for once, looked mildly frightened by the looks they shared and then frowned at them, complete with his usual frowny face. "No. Whatever you two are thinking is a 'no'."

"We weren't thinking anything," said Ehren.

"Not at all," said Amanda.

The Doctor hardly believed them, but didn't press the matter further as he looked to the screen again. "Oh, wonderful! Now there are some kids dressed in those silly uniforms and shooting lasers at each other! What is this?!"

"Phasers," said Ehren automatically. "Those are the—eh—old Star Trek uniforms. Seems someone let in several Sci-Fi conventions at once and then decided to give them real weapons to compliment the new chaos that's reigning over everything. Of course, that is just a guess. Could be the Master, but I doubt it. The Master isn't that capable."

"He's capable enough, I assure you," said the Doctor and tapped his console. The TARDIS jerked under their feet as they landed. "Well, we'll see if we can't sort this mess out. Jack, we're at your new Torchwood center!"

"Hey, Gwen, we're here. I'll be out in a second," said Jack, then he hung up.

Ehren and Amanda grinned identically and looked to each other as he walked out. "Thinking what I'm thinking, my friend of a friend-like friend of mine?" asked Ehren.

"Oh, I think I am," said Amanda, "Shall we go see the mess?"

"We shall!" said Ehren gleefully. They then skipped out together like children in a proverbial candy store while the Doctor jogged after them, shouting at them to wait for him.


	2. Part Two

_A/N: blah blah blah blah watching Nostalgia Critic videos all day blah_

_Part Two_

What was in the streets could only be described as utter chaos. Trekkies with phasers were firing at each other, Whovians were appearing in their own TARDISes and dressed in varying styles, most notably that of the Fourth Doctor, and Star Wars nerds were dressed as their favorite Jedi and Sith and wielding real lightsabers. Some of those nerds offed themselves, however, by accidentally slicing their own limbs off while playing with their lightsabers, so some of the Trekkies picked up the discarded lightsabers and used those instead of phasers and phaser rifles. The people of Cardiff all at once opted to find a good place to hide from the craziness and skipped out during the night to avoid being included in the stupidity of the whole premise.

The Doctor, meanwhile, was still chasing after the pair of writers as they wandered about picking up weapons here and there and checking to see if they still worked. Several of the phasers and phaser rifles had dead power cells in them so they went for the discarded lightsabers next to the fallen users. "Don't pick them up!" cried the Doctor as he caught up with them, "You don't know where that's been!"

"Fine thing for you to say, Mr. Let's-Lick-Random-Stuff-Off-Walls," said Amanda in a rather mocking tone as she started up the lightsaber. "Cool!"

"Besides, if we're going to be trying to get the nerdherd out of here we'll need firepower," said Ehren, "Because they won't be giving this shit up easily."

"Of course not! Would you want to give up a cool lightsaber like this one? Or a phaser rifle and a real TARDIS?" asked Amanda.

"Speaking of which, we should start taking those away from them, too," said Ehren quickly, "Bad enough they're all here, think about when they start actively using them if they hadn't already."

"We should also look into who's giving these guys the real thing," said Amanda. The Doctor watched the pair, somewhat impressed by their quick thinking, but still holding his tongue. "Think the Master might be at hand on this?"

"You really think it could be him? I was thinking maybe someone else. Cybermen maybe?" said Ehren.

"Nah, this is more the Master's M.O.," said Amanda.

"Yeah, you're probably right. He's insane. He knows he's insane and he revels in being insane. He also loves creating chaos as much as possible. Just look at the year that never was," said Ehren.

"Pardon me, but I seem to recall I'm supposed to be the Doctor here," said the Doctor as he leaned in between the pair of young women, "You know, the one that saves everything and goes skippity-hoppity across the universe saving others?" The pair laughed at him and he smirked faintly at their reaction. "Oh, glad to see I'm still somewhat amusing to you. I'll have you know the Master is dead."

"Nah, he isn't. He just pretends to be dead and comes back for shits and giggles," said Ehren.

The Doctor opened his mouth to say something and then closed it, scratching his cheek. He couldn't deny that the Master was very prone to being even weirder than the Doctor in a lot of cases, but that still wasn't evidence enough that the Master was involved. As if reading his thoughts the pair pointed to a poster on the nearest wall with the face of the Master, smiling that overly giddy smile of his at the people. The Doctor rubbed his face when he read the message printed out on it: Come and get your all your favorite Sci-Fi weapons for free!

"Well, isn't that rather peculiar," said an all too familiar voice from behind. The Doctor groaned internally. This couldn't be happening. It simply couldn't. It was bad enough a bunch of Sci-Fi nerds had been pulled there and then given free weapons by the Master, but to have his predecessors there as well was just impossible. That would mean that even the time lines were converging and soon everything would explode in a great big bang the size of… well, Belgium, actually. That was still a great big bang no less!

There, behind the Doctor, stood the Doctor. He was dressed in that old, floppy hat, that ridiculously long, multicolored scarf and those old style clothes he always seemed to enjoy back then. And he had that odd face, the face the Doctor remembered vaguely as being so oddly goofy that he was rather handsome with his too-large mischievous smile and that mop of crazy, frizzy hair hiding under that floppy hat. Beside him was Sarah Jane Smith, though she was older version the Doctor had seen not that long ago.

"Doctor! There you are! We were wondering where you were!" cried Sarah happily, that smile on her face the happiest he had seen in a long time.

The Doctor smiled in spite of himself and waved at her. "Yes, well, you know me and chaotic disasters. We sort of go hand-in-hand and all that."

The other Doctor looked at the Doctor and grinned broadly, all his teeth seemingly showing in one go. "Well, I never thought I would have the chance to see myself like this. So you're me, are you? It must be a bit of a shock for you to see yourself from so long ago. Which generation are you?"

"The tenth," supplied the Doctor's rather unwanted companions simultaneously. Amanda eyed the fourth Doctor's scarf wantonly. Ehren smiled brightly at the fourth Doctor happily like the fangirl she was on the inside.

"Well, isn't that remarkable," said the fourth Doctor. He smiled even more, but did not move further toward the Doctor to greet him. The smile faded and those blue eyes of his seemed to widen even more as he spoke. "So you found the other TARDISes around, did you? I found Sarah investigating one. They're quite remarkable. Very exact, though the desktop theme is rather odd looking to say the least. Sort of a coral pattern almost."

"That would be mine, actually," said the Doctor, smiling sheepishly.

The fourth Doctor smiled a little and put his hands in his pockets. "Even so, they're just replicas and not the real thing entirely. They can't cross dimensions, but they can go through time."

"The TARDIS isn't supposed to cross dimensions either," said the Doctor, clearing his throat a little. "I've only done it once—twice—a couple of times…"

"The point is that the TARDIS is capable of dimensional travel, right, Doctor?" asked Sarah, smiling like the Doctor remembered her doing a lot so long ago. The fourth Doctor smiled broadly once again at her and nodded toward her.

"Of course, Sarah, but doing that would inevitably collapse the barriers between the dimensions unless there was a properly made whole in them, which could also collapse the dimension barriers as well, but who's counting, hmm?" said the fourth Doctor. He then looked up to the sign with a margin of surprise. "Now who is that?"

"That's… goodness! That's the Master!" exclaimed Sarah as she looked up to the poster. "Oh, I hope Luke is all right. Jack isn't about is he?"

"He's off with Gwen and maybe Rhys at the moment in Torchwood," said Ehren.

"Oh, good," said Sarah and nodded. "K-9 is staying with Luke right now, Doctor, in case you're curious."

The Doctor smiled cheerfully at Sarah. "Oh, yes, Luke. How is he?"

At the questioning look of the fourth Doctor Sarah smiled a little sheepishly and patted his arm. "Luke is my son, Doctor. And yes, he is doing well. When all this mess started up we ran into a pretty blonde girl that said she would help Luke and I find the Doctor. Well, she helped me find this Doctor, but if this Doctor is about and you are about then that means others must be here as well."

"Oh? Are you married, then?" asked the fourth Doctor.

"Well, I was getting married, yes, but Luke isn't my son in that fashion. I adopted him after he was made from the genetic materials of several other children," said Sarah, "He's still my son, however."

"You said a pretty blonde girl happened upon you both and said she would help you find me and… the other me's?" asked the Doctor, eyeing Sarah oddly.

Sarah blinked at him in confusion. "Well, yes. I did say that. Is there something wrong, Doctor? Do you know her?"

"Blonde girl, about ye high and exceedingly chipper and hyperactive?" inquired the Doctor as he held up his hand to indicate the height. "Goes by the name Jenny?"

"Yes, that is her name," said Sarah slowly.

The Doctor staggered slightly backward and looked like he was either going to cry, smile or become very irate. Amanda put her hand on the Doctor to steady him while Ehren played with her lightsaber. The fourth Doctor watched him with a knowing gaze. "She's ours, isn't she," he said.

The Doctor nodded slowly. "She was.. made… from the genetic material taken from my body and imputed into a machine that rearranged the cells to make a child of me, though in this case a daughter." He breathed in deeply to steady himself and sighed. "I thought she had died, though. Both of her hearts had stopped beating and she didn't regenerate."

"Perhaps because of the genetic rearranging she was rendered incapable of regenerating, but still has those two hearts," said the fourth Doctor, smiling faintly. "Even still we can't just stand about talking all day. Eventually those silly fans will be making their way back over here and we don't want to be caught by them."

"Too late," said Amanda. Right then a dull roar was heard as several of the Sci-Fi nerds ran at them, screaming their heads off while wielding phaser rifles, phasers, lightsabers, blasters and the odd sonic screwdriver. Ehren grabbed the Doctor and Amanda and ran hard toward the makeshift Torchwood building while Sarah and the fourth Doctor followed after them quickly. The heat from the blasters and phasers could be felt as the streams of light shot past their ears and missed them entirely.

"Glad they don't have too much in the way of good aim!" cried Ehren as she darted inside, Once the fourth Doctor and Sarah Jane Smith ran in behind them she slammed the doors closed and secured them. Then, a pair of heavy doors came down over them as the lightsabers burned through the first doors. Ehren jumped back to avoid getting hit.

"Glad you could join us!" said Jack, smiling charmingly at them from behind a dark haired woman. Gwen Cooper sat behind the computer and was operating the locked and extra doors on the small computer they had slapped together. "Sorry for the mess, we haven't had a chance to tidy up a bit," said Jack again.

"Not the time to worry about tidying up, Jack," muttered Gwen as she watched the doors a bit nervously. "Even if we had Tosh's security system we wouldn't be able to implement it. They're still just kids out there."

"Kids schmids," said Ehren, "Just haul 'em out back home, take their toys away, take the Master out and all is right once again. Besides, if they're this dumb they don't really need to be living anyway."

"True," said Amanda.

The Doctor eyed them both with disdain and turned away from them. "If I could get back to my TARDIS I might be able to find a way to get them out of here."

"Funny, you didn't think of that before we walked out of the TARDIS," muttered Amanda. The Doctor shot her a sour look. The fourth Doctor, meanwhile, remained oddly calm about it all, smiling that broad, toothy smile of his at them all.

Jack eyed the fourth Doctor and smiled charmingly. "Hello, I'm Captain Jack Harkness, and you are?"

"Jack," warned the Doctor, glaring at him a little.

"What?" asked Jack innocently, though with Jack his looks could hardly be called innocent.

"I'm the Doctor," said the fourth Doctor, "Pleasure to meet you, Captain Jack Harkness."

Jack stared at the fourth Doctor a long moment and then looked to the Doctor with wide eyes. "That's… another you?"

"Yes, well, things are getting a bit out of hand and we think there might be other me's running about," said the Doctor quickly as he moved around the desk beside Jack and leaned over Gwen's shoulder to look at the computer. She stood up slowly, holding her back and groaned slightly as she moved away. Jack caught her by her elbows and helped her walk away, chiding her in a rather affectionate tone, "Now, Gwen, you should take more care of yourself and let us do all the work."

Gwen rolled her eyes and waved Jack off. "I'm fine, Jack. If you keep this up Rhys will think the baby is yours instead of his." Jack didn't say anything and she didn't look at him, but there was a rather sudden awkward feeling between them as Jack moved away back to the Doctor. Meanwhile, Ehren stood off and gripped her head and let out a primal yell of absolute frustration.

"What on Earth is wrong with you?" asked Sarah.

Ehren glared at her a moment and then looked away to Gwen and Jack. "Those two. If they keep this shit up I'm going to go fucking insane from it. I thought it was just the writers fucking with the fanbase, but no, they're really that bad!"

Sarah raised her eyebrows at Ehren and then looked to Amanda, who was busy playing with the back of the fourth Doctor's scarf like it was a toy. Sarah puffed her cheeks up slightly in irritation and took the fourth Doctor's scarf away from Amanda as she pouted a bit at her. "Hey, I was playing with that!"

"This is not the time to be playing!" said Sarah. The fourth Doctor, once again, was completely unphased. Sarah began to wonder if perhaps he either had a secret plan forming in that brilliant head of his or if he had managed to slip himself some drugged brownies earlier before finding Sarah.

"Mum!" shouted Luke as he ran over from the other side of the warehouse building. He was holding Jenny's hand as she jogged behind him, cheerfully smiling as her blonde ponytail bobbed behind her. "Mum! K-9 said you were in trouble so I grabbed him and Jenny and ran over here."

"Mistress! Mistress! Are you safe, Mistress!" cried the robotic tone of K-9.

"K-9!" cried the fourth Doctor happily. "I'm glad to see you're well! Oh, did something happen to you? You look very different from the last time I saw you."

"Master rebuilt K-9 from a modeling kit, sir," said K-9. The Doctor looked to the robotic dog with mild irritation.

"Now, honestly, K-9! I just rebuilt you from a slightly newer version of your body. It isn't that bad," he said.

"I get laughed at more often than not, Master. I look like I was built by an adolescent learning how to build cars from a modeling kit," said K-9.

The Doctor sighed and looked around to the fourth Doctor. The fourth Doctor shrugged and went over to look at something else in the old Torchwood warehouse. Luke blushed as Jenny smiled brightly at him, chattering away about the amazing adventures she had had on her own and sometimes not on her own. Rhys came over and rubbed Gwen's tummy, smiling at her and talking softly with her, though looking as nervous as Jack did. And then, slowly, the sounds of the fans beating on the doors of the warehouse began to stop. When all was quiet the two Doctors went to the doors and Jack opened he secondary doors with the computer. The primary doors were practically nonexistent. Large holes had been blown into them, pieces had been cut out with the lightsabers and bodies littered the area either burned by blasters or phaser fire or cut to pieces by those pesky lightsabers.

The Doctors both looked to each other and then walked out slowly, the Doctor with his hands at his sides and looking cautiously around the deserted area and the fourth Doctor with his hands in his pockets looking quite relaxed and at home. "Hello? Hello?" called the Doctor with his hands around his mouth to amplify the sound.

"Is anyone out there!" called the fourth Doctor.

"I hear you, I hear you!" cried yet another familiar voice. Out from the smoke walked yet another of the Doctors; it was the eighth Doctor. He was wearing those old fashioned, turn of the twentieth century Earth clothing he was always so fond of, not too dissimilar to the fourth Doctor in a way. His hair was also a frizzy mess, but a little less crazy as the fourth Doctor's tended toward being. "Ah! I've found you at last!" he said, smiling at them. "Oh, dear me, I seem to have forgotten your names. You look very familiar especially," he said as he spoke to the fourth Doctor.

"Well, that should come as no surprise," said the fourth Doctor.

"You're us. We are you!" said the Doctor, grinning. "It's not often one gets to see himself in varying stages of regeneration, although I would think I got over the early twentieth century fetish by the time I was you. No worries, though."

"Ah… Ah! I see! Hah! How perfectly peculiar! I wonder what has allowed us to come together so freely. Certainly not anything to do with the TARDIS; it would be a great hazard to everyone if that were the case," said the eighth Doctor.

"Yes, I seem to recall I said something similar whilst running with Doctor Scrawny next to me," said the fourth Doctor.

"Doctor Scrawny! I'm you!" said the Doctor, looking genuinely surprised by the fourth Doctor's statement. He always thought of himself as quite handsome and sexy.

"You could fall down a drain. I on the other hand, am perfectly proportioned and quite a handsome devil, if I do say so myself," said the fourth Doctor while looking around.

"You do say so yourself, toothy," muttered the Doctor.

"Pardon? Did you say something?" asked the fourth Doctor.

"Oh! No, of course not. Why would Doctor Scrawny have anything to say?" said the Doctor sarcastically.

The eighth Doctor looked between the two and shook his head at them. He looked around, skipping off to have a look/see at what the area held for them all. "I've not seen so many TARDISes in so long!" he shouted at them as he dashed about.

"Oh wonderful, now I'm seeing quadruple," said yet another Doctor, this one the ninth, in all his big eared, big nosed, shorn head and black leather wearing glory. The other Doctors turned around to look at him and the Doctor eyed him warily. "Yes, it's me. You lot don't need to be standing about looking as though the world is ending. I know when the world ends, of course, so do you, so you don't have to look like that."

"Fancy seeing you here, Doctor," said the Doctor. "I must say it's nice to actually have hair."

"I have hair!" snapped the ninth Doctor. "At least I don't look like I could fall down a bloody drain."

"I'm not that skinny!!" shouted the Doctor. He rubbed his face and looked around as he put his hands in his pockets. "This is getting ridiculous. Pretty soon we'll be seeing all of us running around. We're still no closer to any good ideas as to how to deal with this insane horde of fans!"

"Where's Rose?" asked the ninth Doctor as he looked around. The Doctor froze and kept his gaze away. The ninth Doctor frowned. "You lost her didn't you? I knew something like that might happen, but oh no don't mind me, I'm just the Doctor. What am I saying; it's me that lost her in the end because I'm you!"

"She chose to go off with my clone," said the Doctor quietly.

"Clone? You made a clone?" asked the eighth Doctor.

"Well, sort of a clone. Mostly human, really, though with some of my DNA in him and a lot of Donna's," said the Doctor.

"So you basically let this Rose run off with your son," said the fourth Doctor. "I say 'your' because I doubt, very much, that he looks like any one of us."

The Doctor looked aghast at the fourth Doctor. "No! He is not my son! He's a clone made between my genetics and the genetics of another companion of mine named Donna Noble; it's completely different!"

"It doesn't sound that much different," said the eighth Doctor.

"HE WAS MADE FROM MY BLOODY HAND!" the Doctor snapped at them.

"So is your son called 'Handy'?" said the ninth Doctor with that impish smile on his face.

The Doctor shot the ninth Doctor a dark look before moving away from them. The fourth Doctor smiled a bit, just as mischievous as the ninth. "He takes things a bit personally doesn't he?"

"Well, a mostly human clone of us would be easier to live with, I would think, than any one of us," said the eighth Doctor. "Even if I'm half human on my mother's side."

"You are no such thing, you're just a regeneration of us!" said the ninth Doctor.

"It's kinda funny to watch them snipe at each other, y'know?" said Ehren as she watched from the door. Amanda nodded and chuckled a bit.

"Look, we're not getting anything done by being snippy to one another!" said the Doctor as he looked to his former regenerations. "We've got a problem on our hands, though a bit underplayed and quite disappointing, but still a problem! We're the Doctor! We can use our minds to come up with a viable solution to this disaster if we'll all just work together! What do you say?"

"What's going on?"

They all turned and looked to yet another voice that the Doctor did not recognize one bit. Out of no where came a pale, lanky fellow with short brown hair that sort of flopped over into his eyes, no eyebrows on his ultra-pale and very young looking face. He wore a lot of tweed, also, with pants that were hiked up too high on his person, probably the fault of the even nerdier suspenders that held them up. He looked exactly like a high school nerd from the fifties except without the taped glasses.

"Hello, everybody!" he called to them as he jogged closer. The Doctors all stood and stared at him with a mixture of emotions playing across their faces. "Could you possibly tell me where I might find my wife? I seem to have lost her. Ah, I'm the Doctor. Pleased to meet you all… oh… ah… oh my…"

"You're… the Doctor?" asked the Doctor, thick eyebrows raised up at the other Doctor. "Eyebrows… what've you done with my eyebrows? Where are the eyebrows? I've got nice eyebrows, what happened to them? And why am I suddenly so interested in looking like Tweed Boy?"

"'Tweed Boy'? I'll have you know that my wife helps me dress!" said the other Doctor. "You're my previous regeneration! I remember you now!"

"Oh God," groaned the ninth Doctor, "I go from cool to nerd cool to high school boy with a 'kick me' sign on his back!"

"Do I have a sign?" asked the eleventh Doctor and turned around to check his back. Of course, there was nothing there. He sort of resembled a puppy that was chasing its tail as he spun around on the spot.

"What do you mean, wife?" asked the eighth Doctor curiously.

"Oh! River Song is her name. She's a lovely woman. Absolutely lovely," said the eleventh Doctor.

The Doctor groaned and rubbed his head. "Not that woman," he muttered.

"What do you mean? She's a lovely woman!" said the eleventh Doctor, pouting a bit.

"I've seen all of your regenerations! I've got my own sonic screwdriver you gave me! Don't cry for me, Argentina!" grumbled the Doctor as he rubbed his temples. "The woman is very irritating and I'm surprised that I would lose my intelligence enough to want to marry her!" The eleventh Doctor eyed him a moment before the Doctor spoke again, "No, on second thought, I take that back. All of that intelligence disappeared with you, didn't it!"

"You do realize we have an audience and we're still no closer to a solution now than we were before?" said the fourth Doctor, smiling faintly. The Doctor and the eleventh Doctor glared at the fourth Doctor before going back to glaring at each other.

"See? I told you he wouldn't like her. Fucking canon Mary Sue," said Ehren, "I wish she had never been created. I can't believe they'd create a fucking Mary Sue for the Doctor like that."

"Oh, I know. Donna would've been a better choice," said Amanda.

Ehren acted as though she were gagging. "Donna's awesome, yeah, but with the Doctor? Fuck no. Now Rose, on the other hand; THAT I can see coming to marriage. Now if only the Doctor wasn't a great big, emo, git."

"Agreed," said Amanda.

Suddenly, Ehren clapped her fingers together and laughed. "HAH! I have an idea, Amanda! Let's use the TARDIS, any one of them, and get the Enterprise for this! We could hijack it and—"

"Hold on, I think that's going a little too out of the way for this. Just let the idiots kill themselves out and get rid of the evidence. Then, we go after the Master before he brings in more," said Amanda.

"Perfect. It'd certainly cull the population of idiots some from the gene pool," said Ehren.

"Where do you think the Master is located, though? This is Wales," said Amanda.

"Or an approximation thereof," said Ehren quickly. "Maybe we should look to where the sign we saw earlier is pointing to or has directions to."

"Sounds like a plan, Ehren," said Amanda. She grinned and then looked to the Doctors arguing with each other and rolled her eyes. "I think the fourth Doctor will be the one we can rely on."

"Yeah, the eighth isn't too keen in the head, if you know what I mean," said Ehren. "All right! JACK! Do you have any readings on where the nearest real TARDIS is?"

Jack eyed them both and looked to the screen in front of him. "Not a clue. I get all sorts of nice readings with this. Would you like to have a look?" asked Jack, smiling charmingly.

Ehren's cheeks went pink, Amanda snorted and shook her head. "Nah, th-that's fine, Jack!" said Ehren. "Come on." Then, Ehren grabbed Amanda's hand and went out. Sarah Jane Smith jogged after them as they went to the fourth Doctor. Amanda tugged on the fourth Doctor's scarf to get his attention and Sarah smiled a bit at him. "We've got an idea, but we need your TARDIS, sir," said Ehren softly, trying not to get the attention of the other Doctors.

The fourth Doctor smirked a little and whistled softly as he backed away from his other regenerations and walked along in front of Sarah, Ehren and Amanda away from the gathering of Doctors toward a TARDIS in particular.


	3. Part Three

_A/N: 3 I'm glad ya'll are enjoying this. :3 because me and Amanda love it too. :3 a lot._

_Part Three_

While the Doctors argued amongst themselves and the Sci-fi nerds wiped themselves out, Ehren, Amanda, Sarah and the fourth Doctor all trooped into his TARDIS and made themselves at home as Amanda and Ehren told the fourth Doctor and Sarah Jane Smith their plot to get to the Master, which as it turned out to be ridiculously simple and hardly needed the TARDIS to do it. However, one doesn't miss the opportunity to make a trip in the TARDIS when it's readily available.

"Use the TARDIS to locate the Master here," said Ehren, smiling at the fourth Doctor.

"You do realize that we could have just gone over to the sign with the Master's smiling face on the side of that building over yonder and wouldn't need the TARDIS to get us there, don't you?" asked the fourth Doctor, a small smile forming on his face.

"Of course we do, but then we wouldn't be able to appear in there and use the TARDIS to do it, now would we?" said Amanda.

The fourth Doctor grinned toothily at them. "That would be incentive to rain on his party, wouldn't it?"

"He's likely expecting someone to come walking in as well as come materializing in," said Sarah, "He isn't a fool."

"No, and we shan't disappoint him," said the fourth Doctor as he straightened up and started working on the console of the TARDIS. Once more, with feeling, the TARDIS ground to life with the sound of an old, rusted back-hoe and they disappeared from sight into the temporal vortex.

"What's that sound?" said the Doctor as he looked around. He finally noticed that the fourth Doctor had disappeared. "Oh…"

"Oh, indeed," muttered the ninth Doctor, "You should recognize that sound because it's the very thing you use on a day to day basis and this one nearly destroyed." The ninth Doctor then indicated the eighth Doctor.

"I didn't nearly destroy it. Someone else destroyed it for me!" said the eighth Doctor, pouting a bit. "It wasn't my fault! The old girl couldn't take it! I had to grow a new one."

"And when exactly did this happen? I don't recall it!" said the Doctor.

"Well, it was in one the book adventures, of course. Can't have everything I did be in America and everything!" said the eighth Doctor.

"The book adventures?" asked the Doctor, eyeing the eighth Doctor. He was clearly one lever shy of the full console. "Oh… **those** book adventures. Yes. Of course. And how long did it take you to grow a new one?"

"Well, you should know, since you're me and I'm you and all," said the eighth Doctor. "I was stranded and couldn't go anywhere."

"I'm still trying to figure out where River went off to," said the eleventh Doctor. "Does anyone care?"

"No," said the others.

"Why not?" asked the eleventh Doctor, pouting a bit.

"Because she is a great big irritation," said the Doctor.

"Meaning, she's no Rose Tyler," said Jack as he walked out to join the Doctors and enjoy the bantering amongst them. The Doctor fixed him with a dangerous look, but Jack simply smiled charmingly and stood near the Doctor. "Maybe not the brightest of the bunch, but she has heart and lots of nerve," he continued.

The ninth Doctor and the Doctor stood silent while the eleventh Doctor looked at the three of them. Just then, the eleventh Doctor was practically assaulted by a woman. It was River Song, only younger, and she was hugging the eleventh Doctor for all she was worth. "DOCTOR! I thought I would never see you again!" she cried out. "Oh, I see, it's the other Doctors, right? Still, you're the handsomest of them all, of course," said River Song, "And I still have that sonic screwdriver you gave me in case I was in trouble and it worked for me, of course! Oh, it's the greatest thing being the Doctor's wife! I absolutely love, love, LOVE being on adventures with you! But, you know, we still need to get back to my home at some point so that I can go on that archaeological dig I've so wanted to join in!"

"An… archaeologist?" asked the ninth Doctor, looking mildly disturbed. "Do you realize those are dead people, dead things, dead aliens and the like that you're disturbing? Let them rest!"

"What's wrong? Don't you love me already? I am your wife too, after all, since you are all the same man!... person… whatever," said River Song quickly.

Just then, the great writer in the sky dropped a discarded lightsaber on top of River Song. She split in half and fell to the ground in a smoking, cauterized mess. The eleventh Doctor sniffled as the Doctor looked up with the ninth Doctor wondering where the lightsaber came from. They'll never get me alive. Nyahahahahaha!

"Well, that was peculiar," said the eighth Doctor. "I agree, she was getting very vexing."

"THAT WAS MY WIFE!" cried the eleventh Doctor.

"And now she's two wives!" said the ninth Doctor. The Doctor looked torn between laughing and being reproachful toward the ninth. "Albeit, she's a little hard to talk to now what with being split in half and all; and it would be hard to have dinner with her or dance with her unless you held up both sides and squished them together, but then the smell might get to you after a while."

The Doctor attempted to keep a serious face on, but it was getting increasingly difficult with the ninth rambling off rather morbid jokes about the annoyance he just lost. Jack looked to the ninth Doctor and shook his head. "You're very morbid, you know that?"

"Oh! Glad to hear that! I often wonder if it isn't a product of being the last Timelord outside of the Master," said the ninth Doctor cheerfully.

"What in the blazes are you all standing about and yucking it up for, hmm?" asked an elderly voice from behind the eighth Doctor. All the Doctors knew that tone as they turned to look at the first Doctor. He eyed them imperiously as Susan, the Doctor's granddaughter, walked out after him dressed in her trendy, 1960s clothing. "The Master is trying to create chaos and the only things you lot can do is stand about and look silly."

"Hello, I'm Captain Jack Harkness," said Jack to Susan as he took her hand.

"JACK," snapped all of the Doctors present.

"I'm just saying 'hello'!" he shot back at them.

"It's nice to meet you, Mr. Harkness," said Susan politely and took her hand away. "Grandfather, why are we here? What is this place?"

"It's Cardiff, or what's left of it," said the first Doctor gruffly. "It doesn't matter, honestly. It's just Cardiff."

Susan eyed the first Doctor much the same way the Doctor eyed him, for the most part critical of that statement. "Now, grandfather, we should find a way to stop this, don't you think?" The first Doctor looked to his watch and nodded.

"Fine, I think we can spare a few minutes here," he said.

Jack looked to the Doctor and raised his eyebrows. The Doctor nodded and waved Jack off. The eleventh Doctor continued to sniffle over his loss like a whiny, little child as the eighth Doctor patted him on the shoulder. "Well! I think that's enough!" said the Doctor finally. "Let's go pay the Master a visit!"

"What about the nerds?" asked Jack.

"Torchwood can deal with them, right?" asked the Doctor, grinning at him winsomely.

"Yes, we can," said Jack, smirking faintly and walking back into the warehouse.

"What's going on? Doctor?"

The Doctor froze where he stood. Jack did as well. The ninth smiled faintly and looked over. "Over here, Rose! I was beginning to wonder where you went off to!"

The Doctor shot the ninth Doctor with a dark look and then turned very slowly to look over his shoulder. Out of the distance was the one thing he had not seen in a very long time and missed dearly. Jack smiled as he walked over to her and hugged her. "Rose!"

"Oh! Jack? Jack! You're all right!" cried Rose. She laughed as she hugged him back.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Oh, the Doctors are over there," he said and ushered her over.

"The.. Doctors? More than one? Have you gone barmy on me?" asked Rose until she got closer and stared. "You… haven't, have you?"

The Doctor smiled brightly at her. "Hello, Rose!"

The ninth Doctor nodded toward her and grinned broadly at her. "Welcome to Cardiff! Although, granted we're in the middle of a sort of science fiction nerd invasion, but that's easily dealt with."

"Who's this little girl?" asked the first Doctor.

The eighth Doctor smiled and offered his hand. "Hello, I'm the Doctor."

The eleventh stared at Rose a bit like a creepy high school boy from behind his longish dark hair covering his eyes. Rose looked to them all and looked very much like she felt she was being put on. "You're… putting me on, right?" she asked the ninth Doctor.

"No, no, this is what we are—what I am. I regenerate into another man and have done so eight times, that one being my previous incarnation," said the ninth Doctor as he indicated the eighth Doctor. "And this one is the one I will go into." He then indicated the Doctor.

The Doctor was staring and it was making Rose feel somewhat uncomfortable. He wasn't bad looking; he sort of resembled a puppy with very big brown eyes and messy hair. The Doctor smiled at her a bit more and turned fully, his hands in his pockets. She smiled a little, sort of keeping her distance. "So, you're also the Doctor?"

"Yes, well, give or take a few years I'm the same Doctor you travel around with," said the Doctor.

"We don't have time to stand around, Doctor. Either kiss her or move along. We have the Master to deal with," said the first Doctor irritably. The Doctor blushed faintly and shot him a short look before smiling a bit to Rose. Rose also flushed quite a bit, though she was smirking faintly.

Meanwhile, the fourth Doctor landed the TARDIS and Sarah, Ehren, Amanda and the fourth Doctor walked out of it into the old building the TARDIS had taken them to. It was old, but the air was cleaner than it should have been. There was an old, musty smell to it, but the smell wasn't as thick as it should have been. It was in use. All around them were all sorts of weapons and various things. There were even several TARDISes scattered around. And in the middle, sitting behind a desk with that signature insane little smile upon his chubby cheeked face, sat the Master.

"I was beginning to wonder when you would appear, Doctor! Oh, I see it's one of the old versions. What is this one, four-point-oh?" said the Master, tapping his finger on the desk in a rhythmic fashion. Amanda started mimicking it as did Ehren. The Master smiled even more. "Oh, so I see you've got a pair with you who know the drums."

"Here come the drums, here come the drums!" sang Ehren and started dancing rather oddly. "Whoo!"

"What is this? What are you doing?" asked the Master as he stood up. "No, no, no! You don't dance like that! Honestly, you have no rhythm. You dance like this!" And then the Master started dancing.

The fourth Doctor looked to Sarah and raised his eyebrows at her. She shrugged and looked to the Master dancing until the Master stopped and straightened his clothes. "Now! Where are the others?"

"The other Doctors are here!" called the Doctor as he stood at the other side of the room with Rose's hand in his. He had run all the way over and grabbed her hand out of reflex to pull her along. The ninth, eighth, first and eleventh Doctors all came up behind him.

"YES! Rose is back!" shouted Ehren.

"I still think Donna and the Doctor are cute," said Amanda, "But Rose is cool."

"Donna and the Doctor are funny together, yeah," said Ehren.

"Now is not the time to play matchmaker!" shouted the Doctor.

"Oh, is the Doctor with his little sweetheart? Too bad she's going to die very easily when this place gets hit by the firepower from the Millennium Falcon up in the sky," said the Master. "Free lightsabers and phasers for all the little children!"

Suddenly, the Master fell over as Susan, Ehren and Amanda each hit him with whatever they could get their hands on. The Doctors all looked at one another. "Well, that was… anti-climatic," said the Doctor.

"There's the Millennium Falcon up in the sky," said Ehren, "the question is: who's driving it?"

"Maybe he brainwashed Han Solo and is having him on standby," said Amanda.

"Maybe." The building suddenly shook and the Doctors, Susan, Rose, Ehren, Amanda and Sarah all stumbled. The building was being fired upon. "I think that answers the question of if it's in the sky!"

"We'll have to get on board, but how? The TARDIS can't fit on there," said Amanda.

"The Millennium Falcon is firing on us? How?! It's not real!" cried Rose.

"Nevermind that!" snapped the Doctor. "We need to get out of here before this whole place explodes!" And so they all ran into the fourth Doctor's TARDIS and slammed the doors shut.

As they disappeared, the Master got up, dusted himself off and smirked deviously. They would actually believe the Millennium Falcon is up in the sky?" He laughed loudly as the building shook again. "Well, that's my cue!" Then, he jogged over to his TARDIS hiding amongst the other TARDISes and shut the door. The building collapsed as soon as his TARDIS dematerialized from the area. Outside, in the sky, there really was the Millennium Falcon, however, with several Whitestars flying after it and firing.

The fourth Doctor's TARDIS appeared outside of the Torchwood building, the people inside of it walking out and looking to the sky. Ehren looked up and stared for a long moment. "No fucking way," she said.

"What?" asked Amanda.

"Those are fucking Whitestars from Babylon 5! What the fuck are they doing here?!" cried Ehren.

"Better yet, who's driving the Falcon?" asked Amanda.

"Oh, it would be really wicked if Pan Solo was really in that spaceship," said Rose.

"Han Solo," Ehren and Amanda corrected her.

"Sorry," muttered Rose.

"The problem isn't who's in the Millennium Falcon anymore. The problem now is who is driving the Whitestars. Those fuckers have Vorlon technology in them as well as Minbari. They're mostly organic and heal themselves!" said Ehren quickly.

"They're here because I want them to be here!" said the Master as he popped from out of his TARDIS and grinned broadly at them a little too cheerfully. "The multitudes of nerds wreaking havoc, the Millennium Falcon with some little girl I found in California driving it, and those lovely Rangers flying the Whitestars; I brought them all here! And now, they're all going to come after you!"

Just then, the Millennium Falcon shot the Master's TARDIS out from behind him. He shot forward and skidded to a halt in front of the first Doctor and Susan. Susan put her foot on the back of the Master's head and pushed him down. "Oh, look, grandfather, we have ourselves a guest."

"JACK!" shouted the Doctor.

Two great big lasers fired at the Whitestars from the Torchwood warehouse and shot out the back fins of the small spaceships. The pair of Whitestars glided down and landed rather roughly, but nonetheless intact. The Millennium Falcon, however, landed without much effort. Out popped a rather familiar face for Amanda and Ehren as she hopped down and ran over. "EHREN!" shouted Alexiel as she ran for them. "AMANDA!"

Alexiel, much shorter than either Amanda or Ehren, had long dark hair and a sort of olive skin tone. She hugged Ehren and Amanda both and looked to the Doctors, Susan, Rose and Sarah. "Er… who are they?"

"You… don't know who the Doctor is?" asked Amanda.

"Well, I've seen one episode of Torchwood and I've seen David Tennant before and Jack Harkness is fucking awesome, but.. um… no?" said Alexiel.

"So, exactly how did you end up here, then?" asked Amanda.

"Well, I was back home and that guy there asked me if I wanted to be a Jedi. I said 'yes' and he showed me the Millennium Falcon and said 'I want you to drive that' and I said 'motherfucking smugglers, yes!' and yeah, there you go," said Alexiel.

"So you don't know about Doctor Who?" asked Amanda.

"Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Off my damn head!" shouted the Master.

"No, I like my foot where it is, if you don't mind too terribly," said Susan.

"Enough, Susan. Doctors, if you would be so kind and deal with the Master," said the first Doctor. Susan stepped back as the Doctor and the ninth Doctor took hold of the Master and hauled him up.

"It was funny when I made you think I died," said the Master, "Because you looked so pitiful it made my day that much better. Have you since developed some sort of crush on me—ow!"

"Enough of that, Master, now off you go into the TARDIS where a nice holding cell will be brilliant for you," said the ninth Doctor, grabbing the Master by the ear. "Rose! We're leaving!"

Rose looked to the Doctor and then to the ninth Doctor. The Doctor looked at her with a longing gaze, but said nothing. She frowned deeply and looked to the ninth Doctor again. The Doctor piped up, but it wasn't anything she wanted to hear, really. "Hey! Doctor! What about all of these people?! We have to do something about them!"

"Oh yeah! I forgot about them, what with them being silent and all!" said the ninth Doctor as he popped his head out of the TARDIS. He walked out, now Master-less, and dusted himself off as the Master shouted incomprehensible obscenities at the ninth Doctor from inside his TARDIS. "Now, what shall we do with all these children?"

"I would think a certain amount of clean-up would be called for, however, I think the attempt would be quite useless with the sheer number of things we would need to collect," said the fourth Doctor as he lifted up someone's arm and tossed it aside. He crouched down and pushed the brim of his hat up a bit, looking around. "Does Torchwood have anything to deal with this? Or is that warehouse all they have now?"

"That's all as far as I know," said the Doctor.

"Rangers!" shouted Ehren. Indeed, several men and Minbari staggered toward them a bit banged up and worse for wear, but nonetheless alive. The Minbari all were bald and had jagged or smooth bone-like coverings over the base to the back of their heads. The humans were male and female of various colorations, but the humans and Minbari each were wearing identical, brown color schemed clothing with a long dark brown coat over it all. "Hey! Rangers! We need ya'll's help! Are ya'll able?"

One of the human men looked up and moved ahead of the others, standing in front of Ehren, Amanda and Alexiel calmly. "You recognize us?" he asked. He was fairly tall with short dark hair and seemed to be in his thirties.

"Yeah, I know who ya'll are. Could ya'll help us clean up this mess and give it all a good send off in space?" asked Ehren.

The Ranger looked around at the mess and sighed. "That might be the only way to deal with it. Yes, we will, but we have no working ships. Our Whitestars are down and we're… all not entirely certain why we're here."

"Well, we could explain, and that would extend the story longer, but I'm sure the audience is getting a bit restless now for some sort of conclusion or action," said Alexiel.

"Your ships have organic parts, right? Self healing and all that," said the Doctor quickly.

"Well, yes, they are part Minbari, part Human and part Vorlon technologies," said another Ranger, a Minbari.

"Well, I think maybe if we put our heads together we might excellerate the process a little," the Doctor said and looked to his other lives with a winsome smile. "Shall we?"

"We shall," said the eighth Doctor cheerfully.

And so they worked. Some of the Rangers aided the Doctors as they worked, but mostly they stood by in bewilderment as the Doctors seemed to assess the pair of Whitestars and the technology involved and began to work with it. Eventually, both Whitestars were flight capable as Jack walked out of the Torchwood warehouse, smiling. Then, Jack also helped the Rangers get the body parts into the Whitestars slowly alongside the fourth, eighth, ninth, tenth and eleventh Doctors. The first Doctor stayed out of it and watched from the sidelines with Susan beside him.

"They're ready to go!" cried the Doctor, grinning brilliantly at the Whitestar crews. "Good luck! Oh! Since you don't belong here in this time or in this world, a couple of us are going to take you to your home dimension, so if you'll wait just a tick we'll be ready!"

"May I go with you, Doctor?" asked Rose. The ninth Doctor snapped his head around and frowned at Rose, but smiled after a moment. Rose smiled broadly at the Doctor. "If you don't mind, that is, of course."

The Doctor smiled faintly and moved away from her. "You'll have plenty of adventures with me in your future." Rose's smile faded and the Doctor looked away. He smiled after a moment, though it looked fake, and said cheerily, "After all, what's the need for wandering about with me when you'll end up doing it anyway!"

Rose laughed a little, but there wasn't any humor in it, the feeling she was getting from the Doctor affecting her. "Yeah, right, of course," she said.

The ninth Doctor rolled his eyes and took Rose by the hand. "Come along then, Rose. There's a whole galaxy awaiting us and more timelines than you can imagine!"

The fourth Doctor eyed the Doctor. "I've become almost self-loathing in my years, haven't I?" he asked.

"You have no idea," Amanda muttered. The Doctor looked away.

"All right then! Show's over, everyone goes home and we all live happily ever after," said the Doctor quickly in a much higher tone. He clapped his hands together and smiled cheerfully at Ehren, Amanda and Alexiel.

"And what about the Millennium Falcon," asked Alexiel.

"Oh, that? I'm sure no one will miss it. Besides, it's just a replica," said the Doctor.

"You just don't want us to get into the Star Wars universe, don't you," said Amanda.

"Exactly!" said the Doctor. "Good to see you all are quite up on your toes!"

"Oh, for God's sake, Doctor, go and kiss Rose goodbye, at the very least!" Ehren eyed the Doctor sharply and he looked away. When he didn't move she threw her hands up in the air and shouted, "Oy!"

And so the various Doctors all went back to their TARDISes and they each disappeared in turn. The eighth Doctor helped the Doctor tow the two Whitestars to their proper place and the Whitestars jettisoned boxes with the body parts in them out into space. Ehren tugged on the Doctor's sleeve as they sat there in space watching the Whitestars. "Hey, can we get a looksee of Babylon 5?" she asked.

The Doctor chuckled and changed the image on his screen. "There she is," he said. Ehren gasped and giggled.

"Amanda! Alexiel! Look! It's Babylon 5!" she shouted at them.

Amanda and Alexiel walked over and looked at the five mile long space station out in front of Epsilon 3. "So we're allowed here, but we're not allowed in Star Wars? That's not fair," said Alexiel. "I want to be a Jedi," she pouted.

"Well, you won't be a Jedi and we're not going to the station either," said the Doctor as he switched the screen back to the Whitestars. Then, the TARDIS ground to life again and slipped into the temporal vortex once again.

When they landed, Alexiel was let out in front of her home. She hugged Ehren and Amanda and jogged away from the TARDIS to her house. The TARDIS started up again and they were in front of Ehren's house. Ehren picked up her purse and looked to the Doctor with a tired, irritated look. "You really need to find someone to travel around with you, preferably either Donna or Rose. Either one is good for your health."

"I don't need to have anyone with me," said the Doctor, "I'm a Timelord."

"I'm a Timelord," mocked Amanda, "Look, get someone, preferably NOT River Song, and stop moping!"

"Yeah, you're aggravating when you mope," said Ehren.

The Doctor pointed to the doors. "Doors. Home. Out." Amanda and Ehren rolled their eyes, looked to each other, shook their heads and walked out of the doors, muttering things like "stupid, emo git" and "stupid hero complex". The Doctor grunted and closed the doors behind them and leaned on them. He went back to his console and pulled some levers, checked his coordinates and promptly ran into something. "What the devil?"

He hopped to the door and opened it carefully, looking out. He was surprised to see the inside of another TARDIS and the ninth Doctor waving. "Hello! Just a small bit of weaving for a few moments. I thought you might like a proper goodbye! Rose, go on!"

The Doctor didn't have a moment to think about what his previous self had said as Rose latched onto him suddenly and hugged him tightly. When the Doctor registered what she was doing he hugged her back just as tightly. She pulled back a bit and flushed a bit as she moved away from him. "I'm glad I'll get to continue traveling with you, Doctor."

The Doctor smiled a little and leaned on the doorframe. "Yes, of course. You'll get to travel around a lot with me."

"All right, weaving becoming unstable! It's time to go back, Rose!" called the ninth Doctor.

The Doctor watched as Rose moved away a little, but not very far. "You should move back, Rose. Doing this is very tricky, of course," said the Doctor. The TARDISes lurched as one and the Doctor ran into Rose, his lips on hers suddenly. Rose's eyes went wide as she caught him. The ninth Doctor whistled as he pulled move levers and tapped things on his console. The Doctor kissed Rose a little longer than necessary, but Rose didn't complain.

He moved away from her and grinned broadly, his hair messier than usual thanks to her. "I still got it," he said and winked at her. Rose flushed more and smirked faintly. His impish smile faded a little as he spoke again, "Go on then, enjoy yourself. Plenty of things to do and see with the Doctor, right Doctor?"

"Oh plenty!" said the ninth Doctor "All right then, close the doors!"

Rose closed the doors to the ninth Doctor's TARDIS as the Doctor closed his. He went back to his console and stabilized the TARDIS as the other TARDIS broke away and disappeared. "Well, that was certainly an interesting adventure," he said to no one, "Now, for another great big adventure."

And with that the TARDIS went hurtling through the temporal vortex with its single passenger; albeit, the passenger was whistling a merry tune and not really caring that his hair was still quite messy and he had lipstick on his mouth.

_The End_


End file.
